Swimmers

Lying on the operating table thinking about all the things that could go wrong, I kept telling myself, relax!  This is the best thing for both her and me. The studies all say this is the best way to control unwanted little ones.

 In 1977 this is not a simple operation.  I hate the hospital; this day will help to ingrain that more and more.  There are three of us waiting for the same procedure.  Lucky me, I’m first!  The gown does nothing to cover my body.  Please change these cover ups to give the wearer some sense of decency. 

I am wheeled into the room by a lady who says, “This will be ok, no problem, we just need to get you prepared.”  Wait a minute I am here, I am prepared! Bring on the doctor and get it done!  She has me hop up on the operating table and lie back.  I might as well be naked; the gown is just a crutch.  “Place your feet in these stirrups,” Excuse me!  Now let me set the scene for you:

1.    I am nearly naked.

2.    I’m in an operating room.

3.    My legs are in women’s stirrups.

4.    The door to the room is looking straight up my gown.

5.    There is a young girl in the room.

6.    I’m cold and shivering.

I don’t care that she is a nurse.   “I need to shave the area and get you ready for the doctor.”  If you a man and you are breathing, plus you’re in your mid 20s and a lady takes warm soapy water and starts to wash your privates, you know what happens.  I don’t care that you’re cold and concerned about what the doctor is going to do, it happens!  Now the next thing I’m about to explain will floor you, it did me.  Remember this is the late seventies.  A vasectomy then was a new thing. 

The door to the operating room opens, in walks eight student nurses.  Help!  I am not a guy that likes to be the center of attention about anything, this cannot be happening.  The nurse running the show starts to explain to each one of them as the doctor comes in, what is going to happen. She says, “Now gather round so you can get a good view of this. Don’t be shy.”  Remember the problem that I was struggling with only moments before with the girl washing me?  No more! 

Without a word from the doctor he takes the scalpel and cuts the left side of the sac.  “Wait a minute” were my only words.  If I could have gotten up off that table then the doctor would have been on the floor.  Lucky for him the nurses each took a place around me held me down.  I feel my stomach being torn from the inside out, when he reaches in and pulls.   This happens a second time to the other side of my manhood.  No numbing, no putting me to sleep, didn’t even buy me dinner first. 

I guess you could say I’m like a lady giving birth; the pain is not as sharp after these years.  Now I have recommended this to several of my friends and even my son, never telling them the story first, of course, they probably wouldn’t have it done to themselves. 

Today Chris my son called me to say “Dad, we are going to have a baby.”  My first words were, “But you were cut.”  Surprise, Surprise, it grew back together.  He recommended to me that I needed to be checked.  Me, go through that again?  Are you kidding?

The Revolt

It must have been about 3 A.M. when I woke from a deep sleep, cold and shivering.  I reached for the comforter thinking I could ignore the pressure on my bladder if only I could warm from the cold.  The house was cool as always, one of the measures we had put in place to save money.  Lying there, I thought that wasn’t the smartest thing to do, but still it didn’t help now.  I reached for the cover once again but to my disappointment it wasn’t where it should be.  I looked over in the darkness; Pat was there, covered just about like me.  A sheet and light blanket, but where was the heavy comforter?   I stretched out to the maximum; unable to go further, I was restrained by my own breathing.  I’m one of those people who snore so loud that I could wake myself from the deepest sleep.  So I wear a CPAC mask.  The mask is confining because of the hose that runs back to the machine.  So I was reaching as far as I could, restrained down by my hose and unable to reach the extra cover.  Did Pat kick the extra cover off?  I wouldn’t think so; I had it pulled up under my chin as I feel asleep.  Where is it now?  Gremlins, I guess!  Laying my mask on the table beside the bed, I reached on down, finally able to find the cover at the foot of the bed.  Settling back into my place on the bed I pulled the cover up, making sure Pat got her share, because I’m sure she must be cool also.  Yes, that helps!  Reaching over and replacing my mask. Breathe! Breathe! Relax! Crap, now I do have to go.  Pushing the covers out of the way and to the bathroom I accomplish my task. 

I’m back now. Sleep-that would be nice.  A cold bed! I took too long in the bathroom.  First lie back in the bed and find the covers. What happened?  The gremlins again, I guess.  Pat must have not wanted them on her while I was gone. That would be much more logical.  Sleep, I need more sleep.  Better put on the mask and try to relax. Reaching over to find the device in the dark, I find it has come apart.  Now that’s just too much for one night.

Pat getting up, said, “You want the light on?”  “Sure! Maybe that will help!” I’m not getting it done with the light anyway.

Seems like when one item revolts other must follow.  Check for yourself.  I’m not saying things happen in 3’s like deaths.  It’s just that when inanimate items go bad, they pile on. 

Our First Time

Not without my own washer and dryer!

My in-laws were living in Muscatine, Iowa, at the time when John heard of a piece of land for sale in Mapleton, Illinois.  They were coming back to their farm home that Pat and I were renting in Pekin, Illinois, and wanted their home back and us out. 

        For sale, 2 acres, a 3 bedroom home with a full basement.  This is a mobile home that is set permanent on a foundation, $9500. 

        Pat and I had looked at a couple places, but I’d say they were just an afternoon of adventure or just something to do.  I thought that this may be just what we needed to start our family.  We had been married for about two years, and I thought it was time to have children.  At the age of 20, working in the foundry at Caterpillar Tractor Company in Mapleton, this could be the perfect location.  It was far enough away from both of our families that we could really be out on our own. 

        Thankfully they let us purchase the place on a “Contract for Deed” without anything down and only $95.00 a month.   

        I have often wondered why people decide to buy a home.  My reason was, I wanted a child and Pat said that she wanted our own home and a washer and dryer first, before having kids.  Crazy reasoning I know, but that was how we thought back in 1972. 

        We were back in Mapleton a few months back and went over to see if our first place was still there.  Yes, the person that owned it now had put a large fence around the place so you could not see the trailer anymore. Also there was a cow skull and horns above the gate drive.  Scary! 

        That was our first time.  Are you ready to jump into the role of home owner? I would love to know your reasons!

The Complete Family

Pat and I recently have an addition to our family.  No, Pat didn’t tell me 9 months ago that we would be expecting.  The stork did not fly in and drop a baby down the chimney.  Thankfully, Laura and Chris have not moved back to our home, Ha, Ha!  

We have been blessed to have John, Pat’s dad, come to stay with us for a time.   I have seen TV shows like “The Walton’s,” where there are families blending together.   In the setting of that show, the 40’s and 50’s, parents would have children at home, a wife and husband, then grandma and grandpa living in the same household was a common thing.  I know that there are several families at church that I attend, where a parent has now joined the home of a son or daughter.  I am happy to say we now have joined those families.  What a pleasure this is to have him come to stay with us for as long as he will have us. 

I know that we are intruding in on his life and privacy but it’s time we fulfilled that Godly based commandment.  A simple request Jesus made to his brother, John, “See your mother.”

A few years back Pat and I began preparing for this honor, when we purchased our one level home.  We worked on the home and got it so that it has our own personal stamp. 

When my mother was faced with a similar need, my sister Sharon went to live in the same home.  I think Sharon received the benefit of mom’s knowledge and patience in handling that challenge.  Hopefully, Pat and I can gain the same from John, as he encourages us to grow and develop as a stronger family.  The first thing that I have learned from John, even with the problems of age, at times not being able to remember the day, where he is, or whether or not his is ill.  He does still remember how and why we talk to God.