Quiet Time

Let me tell you a little story about a dilemma I faced the other day.  As we are all known to do daily or at least every other day, I was taking care of, shall we say personal business at the office where I work.  The complex where I have my office is in a large building where many companies share a bathroom facility.  I was sitting there minding my own business when another guy came in and sit down to take care of his business.  I must tell you at this point, I’m a private kind of guy; I was never in the military where the commodes are all in a row, with nothing separating each for individual comfort and privacy.  I accept the fact I’m not home, where not even Pat will walk in on me, this is my time.  (One of my favorite shows is How I Met Your Mother, Lilly will text her husband Marshall to cheer for him when he is in the bathroom.  In my mind, that is pushing the envelope.) I resign myself to the situation at hand and get down to my business so I can get out of there.  I don’t want to meet this guy or know who is intruding on this time of solitary work.  I don’t mind a guy being in next booth, I tell myself, just do your thing and forget he’s there.  I’m well on my way to completing my task when his cell phone rings.  OK, he will just ignore it like any sane person would do.  No, he answers the phone.  Give me a break, how am I to finish now?   Thankfully I can only hear one side of the conversation.  What would I do if there was a woman on the other side of the phone?  No, this is not his wife, girl friend or even his mother.  This is a person he does business with on a daily basis.  They are talking business; I need to get out of here.  Do I keep quiet, how do I do that?  Sometimes we are all noisy in the bathroom; I don’t mean talking either, bodies do noisy things during this time.  Do I flush?  The person on the other side of the phone line will know for sure he’s in the bathroom taking care of business?

A couple of rules for everyone to consider;

1.    No phones in the bathroom

2.    Talk only if you must

3.    Wash after the deed is done

4.    No greeting of others with a hand shake, this has a time frame associated with it as well.  Wait till your hands dry.

5.    Sing only if you must, you’re not in the shower

6.    Heavy breathing or straining is done only if you must

Being a guy I must ask the question?  Do women act this way in the bathroom, are they dainty and feminine like sugar and spice and all things nice?  I like to think they are.  They would never do the phone thing or talk with persons in the next stall.  Women are ladies.

I think that I’m scared from this incident; I will become one of those persons that does his business at home from now on.